Finally,Without Further Ado-The Dad Word
It was inevitable. I have been dreading the day since Bear was an infant and how it would go. Finally, without further ado, the “dad” word came up.
Last night Bear was lying on the bed with me and we were talking about Christmas. He was excited and talking about presents and Santa. “Mom, is Maddi, Rhi Rhi and Brandon (his cousins) coming for Christmas time? Is Maddi’s mom (his aunt) and her dad coming too?” Yes, son, they will all be there!” I tell him. He looks back at me and shakes his head in a “no” fashion-” I don’t have a dad, but I have a mommy and a grandpa and grandma.” Gulp. “You’re right son, you don’t have a dad but you have mom and grandma and grandpa.” I tell him in a non-chalant fashion as I’m freaking out on the inside. He rolls over and starts watching tv again.
I could have went on, but chose not to. I think that was all that was needed until later.
I felt bad for him, but I’m not so sure he felt bad. I think he needed to express that and needed clarification and definition.
My son said the same thing to me around the age of 3. (He will now be 5 in Oct.) He said it very matter of fact…”Mommy, I don’t have a Dad, but I have a Grand-dad, etc” It was that time at daycare when they go over families. I simply acknowledged that no, he did not have a Dad like the other kids in his class, but he has a Mommy who loves him very much, and a Nonnie, and a Papa, and Aunties, etc where some of the others kids at school may not have grandparents, aunts, etc. He was like “ok” and moved on to playing with his superheros! I’m sure the day will come when he is older and really wants to know why he doesn’t have a dad. When that day comes, depending on his age, I’ll just have to take that big gulp that you did and try to explain it to him a little better…!
Kristen, I guess it’s just that time in development when they start getting it. Yes, at daycare, he sees dad’s picking their kids up and my dad usually picks him up.
Please let me know how you handle it when that day comes again. My friend who is also a single mom said she had to deal with it when her son went to kindergarten.
I am currently 16 weeks pregnant…i just found out recently that the father of my child is a drug and alcohol addict. I recently decided that i dont want him anywhere near my child at the moment until he gets the help he needs. I havent exactly told him this because i dont want him to flip out on me…but what should i do? Does anyone have any advice on this…if he doesnt get better than i dont know how i will explain it to my child down the road when he/she gets older.
Samantha, I understand your concerns for your unborn child. Do you have another child with this man? How long have you been together? When you say “flip out” what do you mean?
No i do not have another child with him…this is my first one..and his first too. We have been together for 6 months…he is addicted to prescription drugs and is a recovering alcoholic…he has been in and out of rehab and is no locked up for a bunch of incidents…i dont know if i can do it anymore…im tired of the drama. i dont know if i should put his name on the birth certificate…what should i do…or some advice to get me thru all this
Samantha, It is important for you to keep yourself & your baby safe. If you feel there is even the slightest possibility of this man becoming violent, please get away from him. If you have a close friend, a relative, or a pastor, talk to them, get help. It can be hard to ask for help but you don’t have to do this alone.
I agree with Dawn and I contacted Samantha by email, but haven’t heard back….are you out there?
Being a single mom for me is in the 11th year. My ex was into drugs , drinking , and women. We were best friends…then I realized he wasn’t interesed in bettering himself. And I left, only to have to go back to him and tell him I was expecting. His first words…Is IT mine? That did it right there. Short story…I had a Beautiful little girl, extremely happy, and hasn’t seen her Dad since , she was six months old, and a girl moved in next door to him. She has never recieved a birthday card from him. When the day came and she asked about her Dad, she was told he wasn’t ready to be a grown up and only wanted to have fun with his friends, without any responsibilities..she was ok with that and has never asked again. Smart kid!….and so sweet…His loss!
Hey thanks Oleta. It takes awhile to get into the groovy, if it’s something unexpected. I’m just now feeling comfortable…..sometimes!
My son is 2 1/2 and i got online tonight to find some help because for the first time he asked about his dad. His biological father has never been in his life and never will be. he said tonight “wheres daddy? not granddad, MY daddy? wheres MY daddy?” I told him that there are all different kinds of families and in our family there is a mommy and a gradmom and granddad but no daddy, I then distracted him with cars and trucks. I dont know what to say because i didnt expect him to realize we were a different kind of family until he was older and I dont know how to explain this to a two year old.
Also I feel so terrible that he doesnt have a father to do all those father things with. I try my very best to do all the guy stuff with him but when it gets down to it I’m a girl. My son is a total boy and he loves all the dirty rough and tumble stuff but he also loves pink and purses and dolls and wants to paint his toe nails like mine! Does anyone think that is a problem???
No there is no problem. Relax. Does he have male role models in his life? Grandpa? Uncle? Friend?
You can just let him know some kids don’t have moms, some don’t have dads. I don’t think he needs details yet! Wait til down the road!
Hello im 6 months pregnant, and the baby father and me where see each other for 7 months, he never claim me as his girl friend, we went to an exotic trip to Costa Rica and on the trip he told me he was in love with another girl. I came back home heartbroken and then a few weeks later realized i was pregnant. He had already started dating her, and didnt want anything to do with baby , in other words abort it. I refused to do that, and knew i was going to have this baby because i dont believe in abortions.Later on he came around and was excited about being a dad, and want to be involed. So i let him be involed but this past 6 months has been nothing but emotional drain. He only comes see me for 5 mins then says he has to leave which i know he going to see him girlfriend , and that hurts me because i still care for him. I have decieded to move on with my life. After baby born i want to move to FL with my mom she wil help me raise my baby boy,and i can finish school. I mention this to the baby dad and how i might go ahead with child support being it the best thing since i be far away. The word child support make him turn into a demon! he dont anything to do with me or the baby.. he said child support is somthing a desperate woman would do for a dead beat dad,, and he offer to pay for all the baby cost but i dont know if i can trust his word!? i dont know what to do ,, im going to seek legal advice soon , buti find it odd that a man would react so negative to child support.
My son, Monkey, is 11 months old. His dad moved out and moved two states away when Monkey was just over 6 months old. Since then, his dad comes to visit for a few hours once or twice a month. At one point he didn’t visit for 7 weeks straight. We’re now legally separated and divorce is the inevitable next step. Although my son is still very young, he notices that something is different. When he meets men, especially men with facial hair, he stares and stares like he’s trying to figure things out. Like he has a memory of something or someone. I try not to let it bother me, but it hurts me so much that his daddy isn’t around. My family helps out when they can but they live two hours away. I can’t move closer right now because I’m trying to finish up my Master’s. I feel so overwhelmed and alone. But mostly I feel sad and angry and betrayed.
I have just recently discovered a very early pregnancy (I’m only about six weeks or so along) from a few “chance” encounters with an ex from high school. He has an ex-wife and three lovely children with her. But wants nothing to do with my child. He also recently told me he didn’t want to have sex again, and the only reason it happened in the first place was desperation and “old time’s sake”. I was crushed. Horrified.
I am wondering…how am I going to handle it on the inevitable day when the child asks me “Why does Daddy love those children, but not me?” The mere thought breaks my heart, and I haven’t even begun to be a mother. I’m terrified.
I have a 6-year old son with my ex-husband, who is not involved with my son at all. He was not a good father and a very selfish person. We split up when my son was less than 6 months old. He had never even brought up the “D” word and I’d always replaced the word Dad in any books, etc. with the word Pop-Pop.
Last year, my son was having his first sleep over with 2 of his kindergarten friends when one of them asked “Where’s YOUR Dad?” I almost dropped the dish I’d been drying. I was ready to jump in and change the subject when my son, not missing a beat, very matter-of-factly replied “I don’t have a Dad, I have my Pop-Pop,” and went on coloring his picture. I had to hide for a few min while I sobbed into a towel.
I was so sad, yet so proud of him. I’m sure I will have to deal with it again in the future, but I do everything I can so that he doesn’t feel as though he’s missing anything. I truly believe that having NO father is better than a bad father or one that’s in and out when he feels like it.
One thing I like about blog articles is the fact that they trigger an idea in my head. When that happens, I feel like I have to comment wishing it may be beneficial to others. Since there are numerous blogs with many points of view, they question your comprehension. It’s at these occasions when you have good insignt many others might not have had, together with the blogger him/herself. I find myself coming back to to your blog mainly because you have several tremendous insights and also you are actually at this a very long time, that is very exciting and tells me you know a lot. Keep sparking imagination in others!