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Single,
Dating and Pregnant
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| by
Melissa Hernandez |
Life has dealt an ironic hand. You are having
a baby, with no father in sight. Whether that is by choice or circumstance;
that is just the way it is. What happens in the roughly 9 months of pregnancy
while you are single? Are you supposed to date? The truth is,
no one knows what they are supposed to do.
Of course there are those nagging questions: What will people think?
Will a man want a pregnant date/girlfriend?
There are many
answers to those questions and so many variables. People will
think whatever they want. You will have just as many people think
you have the right to do whatever you want to do as there will
be people saying you should be at home; barefoot no less.
During the process
of research for this article, I came across the gamut of people's
reactions and thoughts to the single, pregnant dating woman. A large
majority of those men asked would decline to date a pregnant woman
simply because they wouldn't want to be responsible for another man's
child when the pregancy came to term. Some men didn't want to be
saddled with the raging hormones they 'heard" women go through during
pregnancy. Some men (and a surprising number of women) felt
that a pregnant woman should only be worried about the upcoming baby
and not dating issues.
There was a minority of men who thought that it didn't matter whether
a woman was pregnant or not. Their thought process was that they did
not want to limit their choices simply because a woman found herself
pregnant and single. The general concensus was that it truly depended
on the woman herself and her attitudes toward men and relationships.
Kevin Smith (director of such movies as
CLERKS, CHASING AMY and DOGMA) recently commented on his website (www.viewaskew.com)
that he would totally date
a pregnant girl. His wife (actress Jennifer Schwalbach) was
pregnant when they were dating. Albeit the baby she was carrying was
Smith's, Kevin's humor and candidness goes to show not all men are
turned off to pregnant women. Turned ON would probably be the
correct verbage. Smith's
attitude toward Schwalbach's pregnancy was very healthy. In
fact, here is Kevin Smith's response (with expletive's deleted,
of course) when I asked for an opinion on dating pregnant women: "The
only downside was having a gut that rivaled hers. When we would /expletive/(which
we did, often and much, right up until we left for the hospital
to deliver Harley), it was like two sumo wrestlers meeting
in the ring. Still can't believe our naughty bits were actually
able to touch at that point..."
There are many pregnant and single women out there. Being in that
situation does not mean you should delay the dating aspect, if that
is what you want. You probably never thought you could deal with a pregnancy
alone and yet you are doing just that. You should not let anyone else's
preconceived (pun almost intended) notions damper what you feel
is right for you.
~Melissa Hernandez lives in San Luis Obispo county and is the mother
of three children. Her husband loves pregnant chicks so much he married
one.
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